Experimenting with someone of the same sex is (thankfully) less taboo than it's ever been. And according to a survey
from the sex toy company Adam and Eve, 30 percent of women have done
just that. (And 19 percent of men surveyed said they've experimented
with other men.)
While this survey didn't ask respondents whether they identify as LGBTQ, a National Health Statistics report
from 2016 found that 17.4 percent of women ages 18 through 44 had
experienced sexual contact with other women even though just 6.8 percent
identified as lesbian or bisexual.
In
honor of Pride Month, we asked readers of all different sexual
orientations about their first same-sex encounters. Here are their
stories:
I told her I thought we would end up making out
"I
was studying abroad in South Africa when my roommate revealed that she
was a lesbian. Having been struggling with my own sexuality, I boldly
told her that I thought we would end up making out. One night, we were
hanging together on her bed listening to 'Something Beautiful' by
Needtobreathe when I kissed her. It instantly clicked at that moment why
things had never worked out with guys. This makeout session led to four
months of sneaking off to have sex in corners of our apartment where
our other roommates wouldn't see and hooking up in public restrooms,
etc. Nothing ever came of us besides a friendship, but I've never turned
back."
—Tayla, 23
I took a chance and kissed her
"I'd
never really thought of myself as anything other than straight until a
friend of mine said she liked me and it was too bad I didn't like girls.
I laughed it off, but something in my head went, 'It
is too
bad I'm straight!' Later that evening, I took a chance and kissed her
while we were watching a movie. Then one thing led to another, which led
to our dating for a year and a half. I had always assumed I had to be
straight because I like men. Now, I happily identify as bisexual, and a
lot of feelings and a few dreams from high school make a lot more
sense."
—Cathy, 35
I wasn't sure about my own identity
"This
girl and I had been hanging out for a while. I knew she was gay, and I
wasn't sure about my own identity. We were having a sleepover one day—as
we did most weekends—and she kissed me. We made out, and then we
started having sex on a regular basis as friends with benefits. Since
her, I've only been with women."
—Lauren, 23
It was my first time having a threesome
"It
was my first time with a woman and my first time participating in a
threesome—so I was doubly nervous. My ex-boyfriend arranged it, and I
trusted him and his taste in women. The woman was very sweet, curvy, and
had amazing lips. We sat around watching silly porn for a while, no one
making any moves, and then eventually she just attacked me. She
straddled me, and I was shocked at how soft she was everywhere. The
threesome
didn't really end up being very threesome-ish, as we kind of just took
turns in the end—but it was pretty exciting to experience a woman's body
for the first time. Neither of us had the guts to go south of each
other's waists, though. We stuck to kissing and breast play. Since I
consider myself pretty much straight but fascinated by the female body, I
was happy with that. I had a second threesome a few years later, with
different people, and I went down on the woman. It didn't really do
anything for me."
—Portia, 36
I wanted to sleep with other women
"I
had a crush on this girl, and she knew it. We were very good friends,
and her boyfriend was my close friend. One night, we all kind of made
out, and I thought, 'Girls are good kissers.' I've identified as bi
since I was 16, so it reinforced that. I wanted to sleep with other
women, but it just didn't happen."
—Jen, 39
I don't need to question my sexuality anymore
"I
was trying to plan a threesome with this guy I was seeing. He ended up
matching with this girl on Tinder who agreed to a threesome after they
got to know each other a little better. We friended each other on social
media and found out that we had a ton of interests in common. After a
few weeks, she decided she wasn't into this guy anymore, but she still
wanted to hang out with me. I was so nervous because I had never been
with a woman before. I planned on this guy being my buffer. I'm
bisexual, but I didn't come out until my early 20s. I voiced this to
her, thinking it would be a turn-off that she would be my first sexual
encounter with a woman. She was more than understanding. A few weeks
later, I was at a bar with some friends and called her to see if she
would want to see me that night. I took a Lyft to her apartment about an
hour later. We sat on her couch drinking wine, I pretended to like her
cat, we flirted for a while, I was nervous. We took it to the bedroom,
and I had one of the most awkward, thrilling, skin-tingling sexual
experiences of my life. It's still hard for me to date women, as I feel
like I'm so new and clueless. But now I know I don't need to question my
sexuality anymore."
—Sarah, 25
I had considered myself mostly straight
"I
had gone on a few dates with an interesting late-thirties couple and
went over one day for a pre-planned threesome. We drank nice cider and
they gave me greens from their co-op before we even moved to the
bedroom. I’d only had one crush on a girl and considered myself mostly
straight before then, but a few hours later, I fully came to terms with
being attracted to men and women after an incredible night focusing on
the dude’s female partner."
—Shannon, 24
Every woman to me is an untouchable goddess
"I
had come out as bisexual my senior year of college and was (still am,
actually) clueless on how to pursue relationships with women. The fall
after graduation, [a woman and I] matched on Tinder. We really clicked
over the chat, so she decided to come with some friends to the coffee
shop where I worked and meet face to face. I was terrified but also
really attracted to her. She was like a tiny Jodie Foster. We made
plans, but they fell through. She had never seen
Spirited Away,
so I invited her to come over and watch it with me. We were spooning,
and with my position as the big spoon, I was too terrified to make a
move. Then, we switched positions, and I love to say that’s when she
spirited me away. (It’s okay to roll your eyes at all that corn.) I had
never felt that way before. She was so soft and gentle. It felt right,
and I felt like a teenager again. I fell hard, but although she liked
me, she wasn’t feeling as intensely as I was. It makes sense, though—I
was going through a sexual awakening that she had experienced years
before. We ended up having a dramatic breakup of sorts, where I stormed
out of a coffee shop with her calling after me to come back. Years
later, I still struggle with dating women. I think my issue is I put
them all on pedestals: every woman to me is an untouchable goddess. In
reality, they’re human just like me. I need to get over that hurdle
sooner or later because I’m so over navigating the toxicity of men."
—Maddie, 26
I must have gone down on her at least three times
"I
was on a cross-country road trip, found myself in Texas, and was
frustrated by how many men admitted to never having been tested for STIs
before. Unwilling to negotiate my hard boundary (I don't hook up with
anyone who hasn't been tested within the last six months) but still
wanting to scratch a sexual itch, I decided to try having sex with
women. I made a very honest Tinder profile stating that I was
inexperienced but a very enthusiastic and reliable hookup. It didn't
take long until I matched with a very beautiful lesbian who had a thing
for 'newbies.' I was so excited to try something new but still a little
nervous, so we got stoned and I asked her if it would be okay if I just
explored her body. I ended up giving her a full-body massage with oil to
see what she liked, and I've must've gone down on her at least three
times. I totally get why men love giving head now. It's addictive!"
—Dana, 31
It felt totally natural and right
"I'd always had a sneaking suspicion that I might be queer. When I was 21, I went to see the movie
Chocolat
in a park with one of my fellow teammates from my swim team. I knew she
was gay; I definitely had a crush on her. We both have Type 1 diabetes,
and that made me feel an instant bond with her—we could check our blood
sugars together! We made out in the middle of the movie, right there in
a huge public park. It felt totally natural and right. I drove her home
and nothing happened from there. Still, she and I are still friends,
and I officially came out as queer at 27."
—Bonnie, 29
I was exploring some platonic kink
"My
first hookup with a woman was with my housemate during college (cue
college try jokes). I was exploring some platonic kink with some
housemates—asking them to spank me with a sex toy I recently
acquired—she told me she could spank me...platonically. After getting
drunk together one night at a party our house was hosting, I asked her
if she wanted to spank me...not platonically? She was surprised but said
yes, and kinky sex ensued! All the time, our phones were buzzing with
our friends asking where we had disappeared to! The next day, I sent her
a message saying what a good time and I had, and she replied that she
was getting back together with her ex boyfriend. I’m hella queer now,
though, so not all is lost from that experience!"
—Eva, 23
I assumed you just 'knew' if you were gay
"I
had always been with men in the past but never in much of a
relationship—I can’t say I was ever really into it or enjoyed it. In
fact, at times, it distressed me. However, it never occurred to me that I
might fancy women because I assumed you just ‘knew’ if you were gay.
However, about five years ago, I went on lesbian dating apps and had a
few dates. I found them attractive but didn’t feel any kind of spark.
Something, though, made me keep dating. Then, I got a ‘like’ from one
woman whose picture really piqued my interest. We started talking online
and messaged each other constantly for two days before meeting even
though we lived over 100 miles apart. There was instant chemistry. We’ve
now been together for nine months, and I feel like I’ve finally found
who I am and who I am meant to be with. I am definitely gay. I guess
it’s just not as straightforward for everyone figuring out their
sexuality."
—Eleanor, 39
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