Question Time: Could my husband be gay?

Question from a reader:

I’m really worried about my marriage. My husband and I have been married for ten years and we have two small children, but we haven’t had sex in over six months. He used to steal my razors and shave off a lot of his leg hair, but one day he came home with nearly all his body hair—his
chest hair and his pubic hair and even his facial hair—lasered off, and it’s a huge turnoff
for me. He looks like a baby, all smooth and pink. I can’t believe he did this without discussing it with me first. I’m wondering, could he be gay? The last time I asked him, he left and didn’t come back for three days.

My answer: 

I can’t believe your husband got all his body hair removed, just like that! Talk about extreme. It’s almost as extreme as women who get Brazilians because their partners tell them to. (And yes, I think women doing something they may not want to solely for a partner’s pleasure can be extreme.)

I understand why this makes him less attractive and manly to you. Women are used to men having body hair. And you know what? Oils stick to body hair and give off a musky scent that a lot of women find subliminally alluring. The theory is that your body gives off pheromones, a scent that attracts the opposite sex.That’s one of the reasons why women wear perfume. They don’t just want to smell good for themselves; they want to smell more attractive to men, too.

Anyway, it’s clear that something else is going on. This is about more than just his hair, or lack thereof. I hate to tell you this, but your husband is being very narcissistic and treating you badly. It’s likely he’s either getting sex from someone else or having so much sex with himself that he’s lost interest in you. But my inclination is that your husband could be having sex with

other men, especially given his (for lack of a better word) extreme reaction, storming out the last time

you asked him. A man who can answer “No” to that question doesn’t leave. 

At some point, you two need to have a very frank conversation, as hard as that might be. If you find the thought of that conversation untenable, you may want to find a good therapist so a neutral party can help frame the questions and help you both deal with the answers calmly. You and your relationship deserve it.